any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
