How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Your penis caused this!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize