do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
