so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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