it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You pole danced in your parka.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
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