I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
