Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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