K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
