Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
