Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
