That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
