my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
