i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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