So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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