Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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