Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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