I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
nutella sex= disaster
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
