I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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