why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
