omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
