In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
