the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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