the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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