Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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