some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
