well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
