I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize