last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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