exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
