Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
