he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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