I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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