Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
