Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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