Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
