So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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