Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
