I am puke
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
