Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
