oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
