roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize