it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
