Whod you bang
we're chasing vodka with high fives
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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