Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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