bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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