Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
