I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
splinters make it hard to masturbate
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
