they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
