i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We got so high we made milksteak
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
