I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
there is puke in my bra ... again
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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