Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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