Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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