Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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