i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
