The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize