Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
