i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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