I'm sorry my penis didn't work
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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