Rock
Scissors
Fuck
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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