i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
