It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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