I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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