She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
