Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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