allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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