The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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