How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
