your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
