why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
