More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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