2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
