This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
