I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Pooping to opera.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
