I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
